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Say No to Divorce

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Say No to Divorce

I was so happy to hear my friend announce at lunch that she had made the commitment to work on her marriage. Married for more then 20 years with 2 kids out of the house, she and her husband had some rough years recently. Financial stresses, alcohol, health and differences in lifestyles were pulling them apart.

One person was getting healthier and healthier and the other no so much. One person had energy and vitality and the other not so much. Do you ever feel like this, that your spouse isn’t at the same place as you are in life? That they aren’t interested in the same things you are? It becomes easier to pull apart and become more like roommates than a married couple.

The thing is marriage is a covenant. That means we made a solemn promise under God to be One, for better and worse, in sickness and in health, in richer and in poorer…

Ever wonder why those words are in most marriage vows? They are real. All marriages will deal with better times and worse times, sickness and health, richer and poorer. Now granted all of the choices we make definitely contribute to the state of our marriage. Making good choices by both parties is a key to having a marriage full of love. Make bad choices or become complacent in working on your marriage and you will have a marriage full of frustration, anger, and fighting.

I may have only 13 years of marriage under my belt but I understand the good and the bad of marriage. I have been in marriage coaching for 6 years and understand the consistent work it takes to have a good marriage. My husband and I don’t have an outstanding marriage yet but we have a good marriage. So I am going to share my tips on having a good marriage and avoiding divorce.

IT STARTS WITH YOU
1. Be the best you
If you really want to work on your marriage it starts with working on you.  We must be the best ME we can be to have the best marriage we want.

This includes taking care of your health. Recently both my husband and I had some blood tests done from www.zrtlabs.com. We found out that both of us are hormonally challenged right now. This helped us tweak our food, exercise, supplements and essential oils health program to support ourselves. Things like low libido, lack of energy and motivation may be a hidden hormonal challenge. So why not get things checked out.

HONOR YOUR SPOUSE

2. Learn your spouse’s love language
If you want to really love your spouse like they need to be loved, learn their love language and stop giving love only like how you like to receive it.

the 5 love languages

The 5 Love Languages book by Gary D Chapman

Photo credit

3. Learn about your spouse’s personality
SOOOOOOO VERY IMPORTANT… if you want to be together for 50 plus years you must learn to communicate and understand your spouse’s personality.

GEMS® Mastery

Make Having a Successful Marriage a Priority

4. Make your marriage a priority
Most marriages fall apart because we have made other things a priority over the marriage. If each of you makes God your number 1 priority followed by your marriage, you will have much less risk of divorce after the kids are out of the house.

People who make their children the highest priority and their marriage a least priority find they don’t even know each other once the kids are gone or worse end up divorced.

5. Date night
The best examples of happy marriages I have in my life all have this in common: DATE NIGHT. My grandparents and my aunt and uncle are 2 examples where they each forced themselves to go on a date once a week. Even with small little kids at home, exhausted from work, no desire to go out, no money, they still made it a rule to get out and once they did they had a blast.

My grandma told me they would sometimes have to find change in the couches to get enough money to go to the movies or have one cocktail out.  My aunt and uncle had a life where he worked out of town for 3-4 days a week so their Thursday night dates were really important to reconnect and share. My grandparents have been married 60 years and my aunt and uncle 30 years. I don’t know but I think they are doing something right.

FORGIVENESS

6. Forgiveness
Forgiveness is an essential piece of a happy marriage. Learn how to forgive and do it regularly. For the little things that build up like forgetting to take out the trash to forgetting to get you a card for Mother’s Day to worse things.  And yes worse things will happen. In those cases you will need to ask God to help you forgive, to heal your heart, and to heal your marriage.

Is having a good marriage easy? No, but is it worth it? YES!

So get out there, learn, and invest time and effort into your marriage.

YOU CAN DO THIS! I am praying for your marriage success!

 

Disclaimer: This information is not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. It’s strictly for informational, educational, or entertainment purposes ONLY. The products I talk about are not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. Any information I give you about them is for informational or entertainment purposes only. They have not been evaluated or approved by the FDA. Please seek the qualified health professional of your choice when making health decisions for yourself, your family and your pets.

Do You Have Vision For Your life?

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Freedom hands

Do you have Vision for your life? I’m serious. What are your hopes and dreams for your future? If money didn’t matter what would you be doing with your life? Do you want to be happily passionately married in 5- 10-20 plus years, what about your children, finances? Where do you want to live, explore, vacation or see? How many people do you want to help, serve, change their lives?

Is it hard for you to give answers to these questions? Don’t feel bad. It was and still is for me. Recently I attended a First Steps to Success Conference where I had a radical awakening. I realized that although I go to work everyday, I help lots of people, and what I do matters I still had no vision for most areas of my life.

Me Annointed

Maybe you feel the same way.  Maybe because you are deep in debt, your job doesn’t pay great, you can’t dream outside your financial issues. Maybe you have little kids, are a single parent, or have a stressful job or life and you feel like it’s hard just getting through the day let alone do anything else.

I think maybe that is how I felt. Overwhelmed by the thought of dreaming bigger, doing more, or maybe I didn’t want to get my hopes up on something that may never happen.

Maybe you have allowed friends or family members to crush your dreams. “That’s nice but those things don’t happen for people like us”,  “You are too old to do that”,   “You’d have to win the lottery to make things like that happen”. Have you heard those kind of things before?

Me too. In fact I had a close family member say to me after I started my Young Living business, “That’s nice but those things really don’t work out for people, there’s no way you can earn that much.”

Well let’s just say I didn’t let her words stop me and I have proven them quite wrong.  How did I do it? It actually started with just a dream to be able to pay my monthly student loan bills with my Commission checks… then car payments, rent, living expenses, then replace my husband’s income and it has grown from there. But you also have to understand that when you are comfortable living the life you dreamed of having you may still be missing a VISION for your life.

Without VISION we cannot be our best selves. Without VISION we will not grow, we will let life happen to us versus living life by design. I am just sharing what I learned at a recent www.firststepstosuccess.com training. Here is another snippet:

“Where there is no vision there is no commitment. Where there is no commitment there is no focus. Where there is no focus there is no ownership or personal responsibility. Where there is no ownership there is no sacrifice or endurance. Where there is no sacrifice or endurance there is no true success.”

Vision

I had a realization about what I was missing after that statement but it wasn’t until after a Spiritual Equipping session where I was anointed and prayed over that I had a HUGE deliverance. It was like scales had been lifted off of my eyes, heaviness off of my shoulders, and the wall came down. I was free again… sounds weird maybe, but I believe there is a Spiritual Enemy out there who does not want us to have Vision.  Who understands that without Vision there is no direction or focus and without Vision we will stay in our comfort zone.

Let’s get out of the rut. Let’s get out of the comfort zone. Let’s break free from something that is holding us back. Let’s get Vision back in our lives.

I will be praying for your deliverance too. I am also going to suggest that you do more than dream but learn to take action on your steps. I am using the Time Secrets Program to help me… you can check it out here.

God Bless your success,

Mary Starr Carter

crying woman
Where there is no vision there is no commitment.

Where there is no commitment there is no focus.

Where there is no focus there is no ownership or personal responsibility.

Where there is no ownership there is no sacrifice or endurance.

Where there is no sacrifice or endurance there is no true success.

Disclaimer: This information is not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. It’s strictly for informational, educational, or entertainment purposes ONLY. The products I talk about are not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. Any information I give you about them is for informational or entertainment purposes only. They have not been evaluated or approved by the FDA. Please seek the qualified health professional of your choice when making health decisions for yourself, your family and your pets.

How Important The Mom Is

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I live between two worlds: The world of Stay At Home Mom and the World of Working Mom. I am self employed working varying hours from 25-35 hours a week.  I have an amazing Home Helper, which I guess I should call Nanny but there is such guilt with that word.

When we choose to work and have someone else take care of our kids it’s hard on the mom especially. You pray for someone who will love your kids with their whole heart, that will have your value system, honor your parenting rules and just be a great person.

And then when you get it you struggle with watching your kids love someone that isn’t you. When your kids are little you may even have to hear them call their Sitter Mama… that’s hard. If you work too much then you will be exhausted when you get home and your kids will see you as the boring old mom and your daycare or Sitter as the fun one.

I’ve learned over the past 5 years it’s all a balance. I have had periods where I have had no help and periods where I had a ton of help. You learn to be a parent by default or design no matter what your circumstance. Default just lets life happen, design understands God’s intention for your work.

Whether you are a single parent, working parent, or stay at home parent you can be a parent by design. God has given you this responsibility of grooming your children, and caring for their needs. We cannot have guilt or compare ourselves to other moms who might stay at home. We are all different and we all have different strengths.

Keeping your family as a higher priority over your work doesn’t necessarily mean you are a stay at home mom. For working moms you can design your life so that you can be valuable in your work and valuable at home.

I think it starts with the journey of being our BEST SELF. God has given us a great PURPOSE… and that is Grooming our Children for Success. Raising strong, caring, independent, self disciplined children into young adults. In order to do this we must be our own strong independent, self disciplined, responsible, caring BEST SELVES. This may start with taking a strong look at our own stuff.

I was blessed this past weekend to get an AWAKENING of areas I needed to work on.  I attended www.firststepstosuccess.com. If you are looking for help in getting your life in order, being a better you and a better parent I highly encourage you to check it out.

Remember, being the best mom doesn’t equate to how many school events you went to, or how many gifts you gave your children. Being the best mom starts with being the best you so that you can love, honor and help to grow children who can be their best selves too.

God Bless you MOM.

I am rooting for you!

P.S. Here is a little comic relief with a Statistical WAKE UP CALL to How Important the Mom Is.

working-mom_page_2014

stay-at-home-mom_page_2014

Note to Family:

Mommy’s leaving for a little bit but don’t worry I have hired the following crew to take my place while I am gone:

Dietitian – to menu plan healthy and delicious meals
Cook – to prepare and cook all those meals
Nutritionist – to fill in all the gaps in your nutrition with the right supplements
Nurse – to assess and bandage when someone gets hurt, bit, bumped or bruised but you seem to get hurt daily these days
Kisser – to kiss all your Boo Boos
Essential oil expert – to make sure you have the right oils for all your ailments
Massage Therapist – to rub down your sore muscles and massage oils on your feet and back at night
Driver – to take you to your classes and fun events
Dish Doer – because at 2 and 5 your dish doing still has a lot to be desired
Laundry Helper – a must helper because we know Joshua you have this thing for clean pajamas
Cleaning Lady – so mommy doesn’t come home to a disaster
Grocery Shopper – with the amount of food this family eats this position is primary
Stylist – because we can’t have you going out with mismatched and backwards clothes
Singer – to sing your favorite songs to you
Bathroom Patrol – to make sure toilet seats don’t have pee on them, teeth get brushed and hands and faces get cleaned
Librarian – to pick the best books and read to you daily
Teacher – to continue your learning and school work
TV Monitor – to make sure we aren’t watching more TV than we should
Seamstress – to mend and sew your clothes… not that mommy does that now
Gardner – to have fresh foods daily

 

Disclaimer: This information is not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. It’s strictly for informational, educational, or entertainment purposes ONLY. The products I talk about are not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. Any information I give you about them is for informational or entertainment purposes only. They have not been evaluated or approved by the FDA. Please seek the qualified health professional of your choice when making health decisions for yourself, your family and your pets.

You Are Stronger Than You Think You Are

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You Are Stronger Than You Think You Are

You are stronger than you think you are. We have all heard that saying some time in our lives. Usually we hear it during the trials, losses, and serious challenge we are going through from a friend or counselor.

Every week I meet women and men who have been going through some of life’s most exhausting and trying experiences. People who have lost life long jobs, suffered terrible health challenges, lost a spouse or a child. I listen to stories that would make you cry in an instant. But then some of these same people make me realize how strong one person can be.

Yesterday I was doing a business coaching with a girl friend who lost her husband 2 years ago. If ever I thought she was a strong person before now I see a new strength beyond my imagination. See 10 years ago she began using Young Living Essential Oils products for her own health challenges. She practiced, learned, studied, and grew her knowledge for natural health. She got her life and health back.

But then her husband was diagnosed with lung cancer and given weeks to live. She took all that knowledge and learning about natural health, applied it, and extended his life 16 months. He passed in a very peaceful way.

After a year of adjusting and grieving she made the decision she wanted and needed to grow her Young Living Business. For 12 months my friend has been diligent and focused, which got her results. But since the beginning of the year she has a new fire under her. A fire to improve her own life’s situation and a fire to help others “change their lives”.

Listening to her focused determination and watching as she learns new and difficult business and online skills makes my heart cry. Things that 2 years ago she would have just asked her husband to do she now was learning and doing. She is stronger, smarter, braver than she ever thought she was and she is living that out everyday.

the struggle you are in today

That same evening I called a woman looking at doing Young Living as a business to create financial stability and retirement. She too has had some very difficult challenges in her life and is looking to change her circumstances. I was overcome with admiration for this single woman who is ready to change her life. She spoke a positive word I want to share with you all.

She has been a massage therapist for 18 years and in her practice she realizes that instead of using the word healing which reflects we are overcoming a disease instead she uses the words: “TO MAKE WHOLE”. Wholeness is really the path we are seeking right? I thought that was neat.

Creating Whole Health is a physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, social journey.   In Young Living Essential Oils we have the opportunity to use the products and business to create “Whole Health”.

The skills we will learn along the way can transform us as a person. The skills aren’t always easy to learn, the Young Living business itself is simple but not always easy.  But when life’s challenges come up, we may be better prepared because of the journey we have been on.

I know that Young Living has helped me to be a WHOLE and better person than I ever thought or dreamed I could be. I know that what I learned along the way has helped me personally when I have been at my darkest times. I know that it has also helped thousands of other Young Living business owners become Whole again too.

winne the pooh

If you are looking for a path to Wholeness I hope you will consider calling our office to set up a time and see if the Young Living products or business journey may be right for you. Our office number is 1-888-351-6850.

If you are already in business and struggling with success there may be two different areas you want to work on: Working in your Business Skills and your Personal Development Skills. These skills have changed my life in every way.

Two trainings I recommend are the following:

Business Skill Development: The 60 Day Business Intensive

Personal Development Training: www.danijohnson.com
First Steps to Wealth book
First Steps to Success Training
Gems Mastery
Magnetic Influence

 

God Bless your journey to WHOLENESS,

Mary Starr Carter
the Total Wellness Doc and Mom

 

Disclaimer: This information is not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. It’s strictly for informational, educational, or entertainment purposes ONLY. The products I talk about are not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. Any information I give you about them is for informational or entertainment purposes only. They have not been evaluated or approved by the FDA. Please seek the qualified health professional of your choice when making health decisions for yourself, your family and your pets.

Marriage Exercise: 101 Things That I Love About My Spouse

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marriage exercise

Let’s face it- marriage is not easy. A joy-filled loving marriage is even harder to develop. Many couples are more like roommates than happily, passionately in love with their spouse. How does this happen?

I recently heard a friend say when I commented about the lack of time he and his wife have together, “Well when you have been married as long as we have it just works.” I felt sad about that comment.  I felt sad because I know it doesn’t have to be that way.

I know because I have examples in my life of couples married over 40 or even 50 years who still love each other deeply and want to spend quality time with each other.

So how do we stay or grow to fall in love with our spouse even deeper? I came up with this Marriage Exercise while on my own weekly date night the other night. I think it can help you fall more passionately in love with your spouse too.

Our tendency as humans is to focus on the faults, annoying things, frustrations, angers, and past hurts of our spouse. And the fact is daily our spouse could be hurtful, annoying, frustrating, or make us angry. So how do we change our focus and mindset? I think I found an answer.

This is an exercise I did the other day just for fun on one of our date nights. We had an hour drive and I thought I am going to tell my husband 101 ways why I love him.

Quite honestly at first I thought it was going to be difficult and that I maybe could get to 20. But then something happened once I focused on all the things I love about him. I started being reminded of more things that he has done or traits he has that I love. It was really fun. I was speaking LIFE into my husband.

And then as I got towards the end I started telling him things that I love about him that has not happened yet. It was like speaking a prophetic Word into his life. And the results surprised me.

When we got home that night he was so loving and caring for me (and not just because it was date night). See when you have little kids, a business to run, and health challenges you know that by the end of the day you are exhausted and sometimes impatient and probably not so loving feeling. But it was like the Words I spoke over my husband gave him energy, love, and the ability to feed me “caring and love”.

It was awesome… and when he did something later that was a little frustrating instead of getting frustrated and upset I focused on why I love him and told him some. It diffused the bad emotions and brought in the good.

So I don’t know if this exercise will work for you but why not try it.

1. Get your journal and start with 10 reasons you love your spouse.

2. When you get to 10 keep going and see how far you can get… here are a few ideas:

Think about his/her talents, qualities, physical features you love, things they have done you have been proud of or things they have done for the family or you. Their way with your children.

3. Now think about their dreams and goals and write down reasons you love them as if they have achieved those dreams and goals. Make sure they are their dreams or at least your mutual dreams together. For example:

I love you because you worked so hard to get healthy and you did it.

I love you because you have helped our family get out of debt.

I love you because you have created a legacy for our children.

4. Now go test a few of these things out with your spouse. Make sure they are in a space for listening and receiving your words. Sometimes you might have to write them a letter or card.

Let me know how it goes. It may sound silly to you because you just aren’t in that happy place with your marriage or maybe like my friend you have been married a long time, but WHY NOT just try it. What do you have to lose? And keep trying it.

Give your spouse Words of Love and Encouragement for the next 10 days and see what happens. And if you are still struggling, try Shutran essential oil blend. It is beautiful romantic cologne or perfume that can be worn daily, diffused or just saved for special nights that can help you both feel more loving. We love SHUTRAN.

I will pray for your success and awesome changes in your marriage. For more tips about Having a Happy Marriage, visit my friends who have been married a LONG time and coach thousands of people on how to have a QUALITY marriage, Drs. Jack and Lavonne Atnip on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/TheEncouragementCenter.

 

Disclaimer: This information is not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. It’s strictly for informational, educational, or entertainment purposes ONLY. The products I talk about are not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. Any information I give you about them is for informational or entertainment purposes only. They have not been evaluated or approved by the FDA. Please seek the qualified health professional of your choice when making health decisions for yourself, your family and your pets.

Website Changes: Let Me Know What You Think

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I’m having an identity crisis. I am 40 years old and I have been a Health Trainer for 19 years, a Home Business Developer for almost 16 years, a wife of 14 years, a mom for 5 years, a Homeschooler for 4 months. But years of experience doesn’t always equate to wisdom so let’s look at my results.

19 years training others in Health and Wellness = More than 10,000 helped

16 years in working a Home Business = Our team services 10,000 customers, we do millions in sales annually, we personally have a business that employees 3 full time and 5 part time staff, and most importantly we have almost 1000 team member associates successfully growing their businesses and commissions

14 years of Marriage + 7 years of monthly Marriage Coaching + Hard Work = Healthy Happy Marriage

5 years of Parenting + Many books read + Biblical Parenting Mentors + Healthy Choices = Healthy Kids who are growing to know and love Jesus

4 months Homeschooling = Still finding our Groove

Then there are all the hard lessons and life challenges that I have experienced from acquiring a quarter of a million in debt, recovering from work-a-holism, being pregnant more than 30 of the last 60 months, losing 4 babies back to heaven, gaining 30 pounds, dealing with adrenal fatigue, moving to a whole new area and climate.

And also all the fun stories and miracles I have gotten to witness or experience from helping my patients over come Health Challenges and Disease, Home Births, Financial Breakthroughs, and Lives changed.

See I am struggling with what I am going to share with you on my website. I hear God calling me out of my shell. I want to re-design my website to be a more accurate reflection of who I am now. Who we are… as a family, as entrepreneurs, as a couple, as parents, as business owners, as employers, as debt eliminators, as individuals who are finding solutions to their health challenges… as real people. I know we are being called to help more people with our challenges and experiences .

So what do you think? Are you up for a little bit of a change and look to my website? Honestly my newsletters will probably remain the same because I think I have been doing this already. But I want to commit to giving you more consistent quality.

So let me know what you think. Here are some areas I am thinking about writing about and organizing in my website.

Marriage
Coaching
Date Night
Sex
Say No to Divorce

Kids
Littles
Feeding Kids
Homeschooling
Bedtime
Doctor Mom

Faith
Finding Faith
Inspiration
Music
Biblical Wisdom

Health
Essential oils
Fitness
Dis-eases
Food
Supplements

Finances
Getting Out of Debt
Financial Preparedness
Recommended Trainings
A Poverty Mindset
A Wealthy Mindset

Home Business
Benefits of a Home Business
Getting Started in a Home Business
Our Home Business
Home Business Tips
Work With Us

Fun
Family Fun
With Friends
At Work
With Fitness
Vacations

 

Disclaimer: This information is not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. It’s strictly for informational, educational, or entertainment purposes ONLY. The products I talk about are not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. Any information I give you about them is for informational or entertainment purposes only. They have not been evaluated or approved by the FDA. Please seek the qualified health professional of your choice when making health decisions for yourself, your family and your pets.