The other day my son interrupted a heated discussion (we were yelling) between me and my husband with the words, “Hey guys, what is the matter?  You need to calm down.”  We immediately snapped out of it, apologized to each other and the kids and soon realized we were arguing about not wanting to argue.  Silly right?  

Years ago, before kids and the major stressors of life, our home was filled with weekly outbursts and arguments between me and my husband. The tears and tantrums were a weekly occurrence on my part. We were just a few years into our marriage, yet the great DIVIDE was already leading us down the road to divorce. 

But great news!  In 2007, totally by accident (well it had to be GOD), we found some help and solutions.  

Then in 2010, we started having children and everything shifted.  I started to be the wife that wanted to keep the peace at all costs so I would make sure everything was taken care of for my husband, manage everything kid- and house-related, and walk on egg shells so we wouldn’t have any outbursts.  That didn’t work so well.  I still found myself crying weekly and becoming a volcanic eruption towards my husband about once a month.  

But, great news again in 2015–this time on purpose I found some more tools, help, and personal and marriage coaching that changed so much for our family.  In fact, in 2016 we would launch into a very different and difficult few years, but the skills we gained had prepared us, and got us through those hard times–hard times that would have broken many families. 

I don’t know about you, but I didn’t have good marriage mentors growing up or even in my adult years.  Some of the “good marriages” around me were made up of people so different than myself I couldn’t relate.  

We spend over 16,000 hours in school before our marital years.  After high school, we spend another four years and $10,000 to $25,000 a year in universities all in the hopes of having a good job and ultimately a decent life. So much time and money with the main focus–career.  But is that all our lives are made up of?  WORK? I don’t think so, do you? 

Relationships are where it’s at.  

One Harvard study followed the lives of 268 men for 75 years and found there are two pillars of happiness.  One is love. The other is finding a way of coping with life that does not push love away.  

EPIPHANY RIGHT?  

Yet how much learning, schooling, coaching, and financial investment did you spend on love,  your relationships, and marriage?  Money and time spent on vacations, weddings, and honeymoons don’t count unless you are actively learning and growing. 

I bet the answer is around 10 to 20 hours and less than $1,000 dollars.  Crazy when you think about it!  No wonder the DIVORCE rate is 1 in 2 couples.  THAT IS RIDICULOUS, but clearly we know why that is. We don’t invest time or money into learning personal and marital development.  We simply go through life or a marriage, with resentment, blame, guilt, frustration, or ignorance thinking this is the best we can do.  It’s simply not true. 

We must do better.  We must change the trajectory of our family and our legacy.  

We must learn and grow. We must invest in our marriages.

But Mary, my spouse is not willing to learn and grow…SO WHAT?  Most marital problems are more about YOU and your personal development and how you REACT to your spouse then how they act.  

So are you ready to stop being mediocre?  Are you ready to start a legacy of strong, amazing, passionate marriages?   

I’m not a marriage counselor, but I can simply share what has helped me.  Here they are: 

Marriage Reset Class
Worth the money I promise! 

Solutions for an Abundant Life
Life changing especially if you have come from divorced or dysfunctional families

First Steps to Success
This one has been the most impactful for me, my husband, and our kids. 

Check out the links to learn more and if you want more of my opinion about these trainings, I would be happy to share with you.  I have invested a lot into my personal development and marriage and plan on continuing to do so.

From October 11th – 13th, I will be in Orlando, FL at First Steps to Success.  I hope you will join me there!  

Your friend who cares about your future; 

Mary Starr Carter
The Total Wellness Doc and Mom and Wife 

Helping families live a more rich and abundant lives!

I am still in Uganda with a service team of 5 North Americans and 7 Ugandans. We have been doing a lot of things but this was a very impactful 2 1/2 hours.

We visited a slum neighborhood in Jinja, Uganda. It is one of at least 6 I know of in the city and most likely more.

I have seen pictures of kids and adults digging through garbage dumps in Nicaragua. Being present in those conditions and homes was very different. Two and half hours where it is no longer a story but a reality.

Here is my team member Kim Meyers perspective and story. I hope you can see past the poverty to the good.

Journey2Jinja, Day 5 – Jinja Slum tour

Still processing this. It is important to not look at these stories from your own perspective. Life here is very different and access to the basics is not as convenient as in the US. It is hard to see first hand some conditions, but with this being my third trip I see the good. I see where God is working 💜. Everything is built one step, one brick, one behavior at a time.

Our day started with a tour of the Jinja slums. We’ve been through the slums in Kampala and that was a city slum. The Jinja slum was very different. It was more of country slum. It didn’t seem to have the level of drugs or threat that the Kampala slum seemed to present.

Our guide was Steven from Faithful Servant International. An organization in Jinja that works in the slums to educate and improve conditions as well as build community and international relationships.

We designated one person to take pictures out of respect but Steven said it was ok to take pictures. It wasn’t too long into the tour that I could see it was very different than my experience in Kampala’s slums. There was a feeling that this may be their current situation but it wasn’t a permanent situation. So there was Hope.

Steven told us the parents struggle to feed their children and often go to the Central Marketplace (where we were a couple days ago) and go through the garbage to get food to feed their families. I can’t even begin to comprehend that. 😞

We were shown where and how they make various products to sell as well as some food shops. As we walked through we came across this house with people standing outside. Steven asked what was going on. He was told that a elderly lady who lived in that house passed away. She had been sick for a while and that morning someone was delivering food to her and found her dead. Again, it’s still processing.

We met up with a single mom named Sharon. We were invited to a open area and she showed us a mat that she made. It was made out of binding, like the material of Liz Beth’s bags we bring back. She has no money for buying materials so they get the scraps from the garbage. I can only imagine their beauty if made with new materials. 🤔

Then her 21 year old son emerged with jewelry 😲. No! Not jewelry! It is my Achilles tendon here in Uganda. I don’t shop, but when I do, I’m in Uganda 😂

Her smile grew with every necklace I placed in my arm. She jumped with joy as I paid her. We hugged and she shared that she is a single mother. I said, “So am I, how many kids do you have?” She said, “7.” Wow, I told her that she makes beautiful jewelry and to keep making it. I talked to Francis as we were leaving and told him I was proud of him and how he supports his mom. He proudly said, “I am the oldest.” My hearts melted.

We continued and our next stop was at the church. It is a wooden structure and the wall coverings were of the woven sacks the dried maze comes in. Most of the church sides were open and as we gathered, the pastor showed up. There was conversation and Pastor Peter talked about how there are no chance happenings. God plans it all. He then asked to pray for us. ✝️

We continued and Steven took us up to the clinic then on to a long hike here we reached the trash heap. The aroma was a bit overwhelming. However, the sight of those rummaging through the garbage is still processing. They look for plastic bottles to get money for food. 😞

We headed back with a stop at the community clinic then on to our vehicles. As we stopped to thank Steven, a lady approached us with…yes…more jewelry 😲😂😂. So I bought more 😂. This time I was the hold up in moving on. They are so beautiful and the stories, the heart felt work that goes into making each bead, no words can explain this feeling.”

The processing is still. 💜✝️

I have been so blessed to have this incredible woman and mother raising me and being there for me and my children my whole life.