Happy Marriage and Total Wellness Through Relationship Counseling
I look around the room of this small church and thought to myself: Wow, there are a lot of happy couples here. I was at a wedding of a good friend and I couldn’t help but laugh at all the couples in the room, who if you didn’t know any better you would think all of them just got married. Laughter, happiness, kisses; looks of endearment, joy, and passion were present throughout that room.
Why were all these couples so happy? Let me share their secret.
75% of the couples in the room have invested into programs and or counseling that helped them learn to communicate with each other better, love each other deeper, get over some past hurts, deal with current stressors in their relationships, and learn to be a better spouse.
This may sound kind of strange to you or maybe you have had marriage counseling in the past. I am pretty open that I have a session with my marriage counselor every month not because I am struggling in marriage but because I want to keep my marriage happy and improve my skills. It is a significant investment of money and my time but IT IS WORTH IT!
So the morning after the wedding I had breakfast with a group of couples from the wedding. I had to laugh because; all of us have been counseled by the same counselors, Dr. Lavonne and Jack Atnip. Here are some of their stories:
This year think about making a New Year’s Resolution to improve your marriage. You might end up happier than you ever thought you could be. Please leave your comment below and let us know your thoughts.
Dr. Mary Starr Carter is known as the Total Wellness Doc. She has been training individuals about Natural Health Solutions for over 13 years. She is trained as a Chiropractor and has studied under the world’s foremost leaders in natural medicine. She is a mother and a wife and has created a balanced and total wellness life for herself and thousands of her clients using her simple wholistic approach to health and wellness. Her coaching, classes and ebooks help clients with Fibromyalgia, Hormone and Adrenal issues, Asthma, Diabetes, Weight problems, Thyroid and Chronic pain find resources and solutions to better health.
We publish newsletters and blogposts twice a week for our readers for general education purposes only. We cover topics that are related to achieving and maintaining total wellness which includes our emotional, physical, spiritual and financial health.
How to Raise Responsible Children with Clear Boundaries in an Entitlement Era
Can indulging too much and giving too much spoil our children? We know there is not a complete parenting manual out there in the marketplace today. Sometimes parents follow the steps in a parenting book and still find it frustrating to have failed in some areas. Me too.
With modern conveniences, busy lifestyles, overscheduled children and demands from every area…are we aware of what is important? How can we cut through the noise and distractions and focus on raising responsible children who know their boundaries? Establishing boundaries that encourage and promote freedom to be who they are designed to be?
When my daughter was four, I brought her to a dance studio against her will. Then she turned five, I sent her for piano lessons because almost everyone was doing that. When she was seven, it was time for violin. The ‘well-intended’ activities turn into family feuds when the ‘good daughter’ would not practice or hated piano and violin.
In frustration I yelled across the soccer field to my husband, “Look, she is just standing at the soccer field, not kicking the ball!” We have come a long way, in fact seven years of ‘remodeling our parenting skills’. Through mistakes and many frustrations, we have enforced certain rules upon ourselves (the parents) and now the children are less scheduled and are very much growing in the way they should go….
Realize parenting is about our own personal growth, boundaries and our own lifestyle. After all, children look up to us and are modeling what we are doing. Now, we believe in parenting like a mentor, a coach who does the very things expected from the children. Now we have authority, as we model and live life with honesty and boundaries…raw in front of our children.
These are seven ways we are teaching responsibilities and boundaries:
1. Learn to do things on your own. We can show you once or twice. Then you have to take over and do it yourself. There is a difference between a close relationship with my children and dependency. They are to do assigned housework and clean their bathrooms. “Live with your own trash if you want to” philosophy. I don’t want an adult child that depends on me to provide or do certain things for them.
2. Learn that life is not a bed of roses. Life can be difficult and has obstacles. I share with them the obstacles I’m facing and how certain things that were expected did not turn out the way I wanted.
3. Learn to cope with disappointment, struggles and unhappy situation. Life is not always a happy time and easy time. However, we can command our soul to be happy and cope with the disappointment.
4. Learn to work and move forward. We are made to work, for nothing will drop from the sky. Nice things cost money to buy. You need to make the money to support the lifestyle you want. There is a big difference between a Bugatti and a Toyota made car.
5. Know there are consequences to everything. There is no bailing out in our family when enough warnings are given about the consequences of certain actions or behavior.
6. Curb the need for immediate gratification. With lots of conveniences it is easy to feed ourselves and get immediate gratification for almost anything. They are told the difference between convenient food and food made from scratch.
7. Our children want to be treated well and respected. They are watching us. Do we respect spouse, friends, co-workers, and ourselves and ultimately do we respect them?
I believe the English idiom the apple never falls far from the tree says a lot about parenting responsible children. The bible says train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6).
This year, what words are you speaking over yourselves and your children? Questions to help us move forward:
1. Do we have an entitlement mentality? For example, I deserve to have a healthy body without putting some work in getting nutritional food into my body.
2. Do you procrastinate on projects? For example, are you still waiting for the right time to get a home business going. There is no perfect or right time. The time is now.
3. Are you waiting for the government to make your life better? For example, you are waiting for a pay raise and you have not increased your skills for the last 20 years. You are using the same skill 19 times over without new skills.
If the answers are yes, we need a change. Do you have children that have similar traits as the three illustrations above? I am still learning and growing in these areas and making sure I follow through. To raise responsible kids, I have to be a responsible adult.
To have a healthy body, I put clear boundaries to differentiate between the good nutritional food and supplements and the bad. Please leave us a comment below. We would like to hear from you.
Claudia Looi is a copywriter, travel and web content writer. She’s dedicated herself to helping entrepreneurs create their online presence with email campaign, sales page and web content. A writer and traveler who has lived and worked in Kuala Lumpur, Auckland and New York in the travel industry for over 12 years and has had the luxury of traveling to almost 30 countries. Currently, her works include writing for tour operators, hotels, real estate, wellness and immigration consulting industries. When not working, you will find her reading or planning her next family trip with her husband and two teens.
Top 10 Tips to Keeping a Food and Nutritional Journal for Total Wellness
Top 10 Tips to Keeping a Food and Nutritional Journal for Total Wellness
By Dr. Mary Starr Carter
Now that the celebrations are over, lots of us have eaten quite a bit more than usual in special family meals with cookies, pudding and pies. While we put away our Christmas decorations…the last thing we may want to know is to start a food and nutritional journal.
We may find ourselves drifting through life year after year with no personal agenda when it comes to food and nutrition. It seems like there is no sense of direction about food until we hear of some crisis… health related.
“I eat good.” “My diet is healthy” ” We don’t eat out at all.” These are some common things I hear when working with Health Coaching clients and then I have them keep a Food diary and we enter into a tracking system that tells us how much real nutrition they are getting every day…
The result of 90% of clients is a wake up call to see how they are really eating. Most people don’t realize that even when we are eating healthy we may not be getting enough nutrition. We have had pregnant moms and entire families think that they were eating only healthy foods to do this tracking and then realize they were still lacking some key nutrition.
It’s easy to forget about ourselves, particularly, giving attention to our food and nutritional intake. However, the new year can be a time to take a look deeply and time to bring out a “compass”…a flow chart, a cheat sheet, a journal…whatever we call it…let’s take control of our total wellness by keeping a food and nutritional journal this new year.
Here are 10 tips to help you jumpstart with a journal:
1. Start small. Remember the question how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. It is the same for starting a food journal. You start by taking small steps… you learn about food and nutrition while you journal. Write down what you eat for breakfast, snack, lunch and dinner. If you want an easier plan go to www.myfitnesspal.com this easy to use Free App can help you see exactly where you are in just a week. Use it for a month and things could really change for you.
2. Know your portions. We tend to eat bigger portions than we need. We can start by making our serving a little smaller each day. Instead of a baseball size meal, change it to a tennis ball size and eventually to a golf ball size. To assist with the visual serving size, get three of these balls and let them remind you of your portions.
3. Commit to reading and motivating yourself. Reading inspirational books like biographies and motivational books can help re-access our lives and change our outlook. Books are able to open doors for us to a world outside our own. For example, reading a book about Helen Keller who was blind and deaf. Her stories will inspire us to look beyond obstacles and limitations.
4. Plan your meal. A week with planned meals can help save money, time and help us eat healthier. If you plan your meal for the week, you will know exactly what you are having for breakfast, lunch and dinner. There is no second-guessing; you know how to balance your meal with proteins, carb, vegetables and fruits.
5. Create balance. Have time for work, play and enjoy your meal. Time for quietness just by yourself or just meditate and journaling. A food and nutritional journal can be combined with your journey about your life. This includes writing your thoughts for the day along with the food you enjoy.
6. Drink tea. A food journal does include your beverage and water intake. Drinking tea is a way to relax. Young Living has created a wonderful tea called Slique that has anti-oxidant value of green tea and lots of other goodies to help weight management. Have a cup before your meal each day. The English enjoy their afternoon teatime for a reason. This could be a well planned day for relaxation and satisfying your appetite.
7. Set free. Holding grudges and unforgiveness can obstruct our growth. To achieve total wellness, we need to forgive. Forgive ourselves, our loved ones and set our spirit free. Forgiveness Oil by Young Living helps while you are taking steps to forgive yourself and others who have hurt you. There is nothing more freeing than to power forgiveness.
8. Don’t stay idle. Idleness may lead to boredom and lack of purpose that eventually leads us to nowhere. It can be a time-waster and energy sucker. When we make an effort to build relationship with people, take time to exercise and journal, we place our energy on achieving something that will give us a sense of purpose.
9. Have a routine. Remember when our kids were babies? We set them up with a routine for nap, feeding and bathing. A routine helps children know what to expect at a certain time. Likewise, as adults with routines, we are able to expect ourselves to perform certain task. Setting up a daily routine requires a to-do-list. A to-do-list will help us track our time and also help us to have discipline to track our food and nutrition.
10. Get the journal and start writing. The journal can be any writing material that suits you. It may even be an excel sheet on your laptop. The key is to get going. Write down what you had for the day, why you eat it and how you feel and what are you going to improve or eliminate. Oftentimes, with an accountability partner we can create and stay with a new habit.
These are 10 tips to help you start a food and nutrition journal for 2017. Remember to add nutritional supplement to your diet from Young Living Essential Oil. What better way to start creating a healthier you now?
Let us know how we can assist you. Please leave your comment below.
Dr. Mary Starr Carter is known as the Total Wellness Doc. She has been training individuals about Natural Health Solutions for over 18 years. She is trained as a Chiropractor and has studied under the world’s foremost leaders in natural medicine. She is a mother and a wife and has helped thousands of her clients using simple wholistic approaches to health and wellness.
We publish newsletters and blogposts twice a week for our readers for general education purposes only. We cover topics that are related to achieving and maintaining total wellness which includes our emotional, physical, spiritual and financial health.
An Exercise to Help You Review Your Year
This is the last week of the year and it is a great time to reflect on 2011. This exercise might take a few hours, a few days, or even an entire week but it will be worth it. This exercise has helped me and many others move from just so so happy with our lives or marriages to creating lives we only dreamed of. So are you ready?
First thing:
Turn off the TV, get away from distractions and get out your calendar or planner and starting with January you write down some of the highlights, special events, things that you learned, ways you grew, life lessons etc. Go week by week, month by month moving closer to the end of the year.
Second Thing:
Now that you have everything written down go back and highlight the real important things of your year. The things that really stick out to you.
Third Thing:
Now it’s gratitude time. With another highlighter or you may even re-write them out highlight or mark everything you are grateful for. Remember even life’s hard lessons always have a purpose.
Now for some of us, we may really need to spend a lot of time in gratitude. Reviewing looking at our accomplishments, sharing them with others who are good listeners or friends and basking in this peaceful place for a few days or the rest of the week. When you feel really GRATEFUL for your year (not just part of it but ALL OF IT) then you can move forward.
After you have gone through your year, focused on what you are grateful for now it’s time to take a hard look at your development and growth. They say if you are not growing your rotting. I don’t know about you but I don’t like to rot.
Fourth Thing:
What new things did you try or skills did you develop with your parenting, marriage, job, or business? Did you give it your best shot? Are you still working on those things? Are you still doing the same techniques and tools you did 3 years ago or 2 relationships ago and they just aren’t working? I know change is difficult but right now you need to know if what you are doing has been productive, positive, or beneficial to you.
Remember sometimes change can be subtle. We all want instant gratification. We want to start a new way of eating, parenting, doing our business, or thinking and have instant results. Give yourself a break if you didn’t see dramatic results. Do you still feel you are moving forward? Most growth and change comes from consistent work, changing our thinking and speaking patterns, and getting to the roots of what caused our problems in the first place.
Okay that’s enough for this week. Next month we will have some more good content on techniques and tools to help you improve your health and happiness in all areas of your life.
Remember if you don’t take a good look at your year you may end up spending this next year learning the same lessons, not seeing the positive, not being grateful and worst of all being in a rut for 2012. I don’t want that for you or me.
I believe you can have the best year of your life. It will take some work but I am here for you and we can work together to bring Total Wellness to 2012 in all areas of your life! Please leave your comment below.
Dr. Mary Starr Carter is known as the Total Wellness Doc. She has been training individuals about Natural Health Solutions for over 13 years. She is trained as a Chiropractor and has studied under the world’s foremost leaders in natural medicine. She is a mother and a wife and has created a balanced and total wellness life for herself and thousands of her clients using her simple wholistic approach to health and wellness. Her coaching, classes and ebooks help clients with Fibromyalgia, Hormone and Adrenal issues, Asthma, Diabetes, Weight problems, Thyroid and Chronic pain find resources and solutions to better health.
We publish newsletters and blogposts twice a week for our readers for general education purposes only. We cover topics that are related to achieving and maintaining total wellness which includes our emotional, physical, spiritual and financial health.
How To Achieve Total Wellness Through Simplicity
How To Achieve Total Wellness Through Simplicity
Sometimes it takes a catastrophic experience to make us realize what is important in life. Life is actually not so complicated if we see it with a different pair of eyes.
I was raised in simplicity. Our home was just the usual table, chairs and some necessities. There were no clutter and fancy things. But I changed.
Soon the house of simple became a house full of things to sell when it was time to move. The $15 Pooh bear was worth $1 in our moving sale, the $20 table lamp was on the curb to be picked up by a passerby or the garbage man. Some big items and random things were sent to Goodwill.
When I did the calculations, those knick knacks were worth thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours shopping and hunting. Most were worth close to nothing at the moving sale.
Did I learn after the move? Not really…
After moving to Florida, instead of accumulating knick knacks, I started accumulating real estate since the crowds were doing so. News of so-and-so just made $35,000 flipping a house without money down and another was making a ‘killer deal’ in Arizona. With a little coaching from a guru, I did my due diligence and went for the ‘killer deal’ as well.
2008 came…
I was sitting with a few hundred hungry men and women in Pittsburgh listening to a millionaire, who once was homeless and had $2.03 to her name. She said, “The majority is always wrong. Go the opposite direction… (Paraphrased)”.
Here is a millionaire, living a simple lifestyle, traded her big mansion for a cookie cutter home and discovered her destiny. She was on a quest to help set free those who were in debt and to live a life of freedom.
Something changed inside of me…
I was on a quest to simplify my life to achieve total wellness since that day.
Here are 5 tips to help simplify your life:
1. Know who you are and your purpose in life. Once I discovered my purpose in life, things do not appeal to me any longer. I started journaling and discovering myself. I went deep into my inner core and faced myself. It is not pretty sometimes but if we want to know who we are and our purpose, we have to go to the secret places and deal with our feelings, insecurities and desires. I know God has a plan for me and I set out to discover and let him take control while I did the work.
2. Write it down and set a budget. I’m sure you have heard that “B” word all the time in financial advisor books or websites. I used to hate that word when my husband mentioned it. It felt restrictive and overwhelming. But, I am a recovered shopaholic and know the freedom of setting a budget and tracking all expenditures. I keep a list of things to buy even for the grocery shopping. No more seven different breakfast items in my pantry and four different frozen breakfast items.
3. Have your spouse and children on the same quest. Sometimes your spouse or children may not agree with your new way of living. I believe in living by example. If we show up with a great attitude and live the life we set out to live and do the things we said we are going to do…these are more powerful than words. Nothing is more fulfilling than having your family members agreeing with your quest to simplify your lifestyle and home.
4. See the needs of others. We live in a blessed nation. Despite the news about the economy, we have plenty compared to some of our brothers and sisters across the globe. With a heart of gratitude and eyes that see beyond ourselves and giving to charitable organizations, we may gain different outlooks on our things. In my travels, I’ve seen and experienced lavish lifestyle and also seen the impoverished. With careful planning and giving, we can see the fruits of our giving and may be motivated to help the needy instead of buying stuff that don’t add value to us.
5. Surround yourself with like-minded people. Keeping up with the Joneses will not bring fulfillment. This phrase never existed until the 70s. But that does not mean our grandparents or parents were any different when it came to wanting to be accepted by their peers or keeping up with their peers. If our peers are not supporting our new lifestyle, we need to hang-out with a different group. Read motivational books that can keep you on track with your chosen lifestyle.
The word ‘simplicity’ is defined as the quality or condition of being easy to understand or do…unpretentiousness and naturalness (Dictionary.com).
It encompasses our mind, body and soul, which is our whole being. I discovered once we took control of our spending and set boundaries with our money, it set me free to look deep into myself and take proper actions to improve my total being, thus total wellness.
As I am still learning the art of simplicity, I am selling my home, putting a lot of great ‘stuff’ on eBay for sale and cleaning up every room including the garage. My house is less cluttered and creativity flows.
The Chinese believes in Feng Shui….which to me means an uncluttered life and not too much ‘stuff’ which may bring obstructions to the flow of energies in our home.
Can you envision an uncluttered lifestyle….simplicity may not be for everyone. It does not mean not having stuff you like and enjoy. It means instead of having five, settle for one. That is my way of achieving total wellness, freedom and increasing creativity in my work and maintaining stronger mind, body and soul. To top it up, I am a user of Young Living Essential Oils and a Ningxia Red drinker. I believe in investing into my skills and journeying through life with a mentor in health, life and business.
I wish you well…Please leave your comment below. We love to hear from you.
Claudia Looi is a copywriter, travel, web content writer and manages blogs for several businesses. She has lived and worked in Kuala Lumpur, Auckland and New York in the travel industry for over 12 years and has had the luxury of traveling to almost 30 countries. Currently, her works include writing for tour operators, hotels, real estate, wellness and immigration consulting companies. When not working, you will find her reading or planning her next family trip with her husband and two teens. You can find her at Travel Writing Pro. Feel free to download her free report on How to Live Out of Your Suitcase for a WEEK!
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