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Do You Give Yourself Grace?
Grace can be defined as a virtue coming from God, a merciful or compassionate nature, an act of kindness, courtesy or clemency, and an exemption. Let’s really think about these definitions…
The other day my girlfriend Chasity called me to share her disappointments in herself. She is a mom of 2 children less than 3 years old and a very big dog. She has a loving and supportive husband with a demanding job that allows him to be at home on the weekends. Chasity has a seasonal job too that currently has her working from 3pm to 11pm on Saturdays and Sundays.
She called to say she was disappointed in herself because she wasn’t losing more weight, she was late to exercise classes and that she wasn’t contributing more money to the family.
As I listened to her I just heard a woman beating herself up and not giving herself grace.
GRACE in the seasons of life
There are definitely seasons in our lives that we may need to give ourselves grace. Seasons when our family will require more attention than when they are older. Seasons after surgery or during an illness when we have to slow down and require less of ourselves. Seasons when we are attempting new things like going back to school after a long time that we will need more GRACE.
Because Chasity was born with some amazing gifts to get done in one day what most of us get done in a week, she still feels that she can accomplish those same things with 2 kids. Maybe she can…but it is important to give ourselves GRACE when we don’t meet our expectations.
GRACE to our bodies
Chasity doesn’t understand why she isn’t losing more weight but she is still nursing her baby. The body needs extra stored body fat when nursing. Although initially the “baby” weight will come off more quick for nursing moms, they will maintain about 10-15 pounds extra naturally.
When I work with obese women, many times they are very discouraged that they have not released any significant weight or that they have gained weight. We must give our bodies GRACE. The keys to releasing weight if you are obese can be found in our Total Wellness Slique Experience Virtual Coaching program. But in a nutshell, we address that women with a high percentage of body fat have a very low metabolism. They will need to spend 1 to 6 months re-training the body’s metabolism through healthy eating and exercise. This is also why many women plateau at 30 pounds or even 50 pounds.
We must give our bodies’ GRACE. This also includes when we start to exercise after a long break in real exercise. Give your body small steps towards physical fitness. This isn’t the Biggest Loser so let’s make sure we slowly build up. 5 minutes the first day, 10 minutes the next, and so on until we can maintain 40 minutes of continuous aerobic activity. The same thing applies when we start to strength train from no weights then light weights then heavier weights. I always recommend working with a professional to get you started exercising the right way.
Be kind with your words
Have you ever been with a friend who is always referring to himself or herself as large, overweight, or stupid? Think about it. Maybe you say those things. It’s true we can, without even thinking, be meaner to ourselves than we would ever think about saying to anyone else. We lack compassion and kindness towards ourselves. And ultimately, self love.
Start today even if you are not happy with yourself. Don’t speak it. Say positive words over yourself. Tell your body it is beautiful even if you don’t think it yet. The “Power of your Tongue” to actually bring things into being is amazing. You have the power to build yourself up or tear yourself down.
Grace to others
My husband is an expert gunsman (if that is a word). He received awards when in the Navy for his pistol and rifle shooting. As you can guess, he really likes gun shows. So the other night he was watching this show called Top Shot and I sat down to watch it with him.
It was the season finale and his favorite Southerner contestant Chris Reed was still in the running. We were on our seat with suspense when the arrogant young man, George, does something no one ever expected. He throws the competition so his now friend Chris Reed can compete for the final prize of 100,000 dollars. George gave up his chances at winning because his friend Chris needed the money. Chris had been in an awful motor vehicle accident that nearly took his life. Today with kids at home, he wanted to earn that money for his kids’ education as well as the recognition and achievement of being Top Shot. Chris went on to winning the Top Shot and the $100,000 and the tears rolled down my face. I didn’t expect to see such an example of GRACE on a reality TV show.
Everyday we have the opportunity to be a George and step down so someone else can step up. That is, to be kind and merciful towards others. To forgive someone, ourselves and just let go of the past.
How about you? Will you show yourself and someone else GRACE today?
If you want to share your story of Grace, comment below.
We publish newsletters and blogposts twice a week for our readers for general education purposes only. We cover topics that are related to achieving and maintaining total wellness which includes our emotional, physical, spiritual and financial health.
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Myths About Marriage That Keep You Single and How To Avoid Them
Myths About Marriage That Keep You Single and How To Avoid Them
By Aesha Adams-Roberts
I talk with men and women on a daily basis about life and love. And one of the most common points that comes up with all of them have to do with their beliefs about love, marriage, and the opposite sex.
For example, right before Christmas I had my 5th dentist appointment (yeah, I know) and I asked two very attractive, professional single women about their love lives. They willingly shared all the juicy details with me. One, a dental hygienist, told me she had met the love of her life on Myspace a few years ago, and he wants to marry her. In fact, he asked her what would she think if he bought her an engagement ring for Christmas. Her answer: “Why are we talking about this?!” When I probed her for more information, she told me she is scared to get married because all of the marriages in her immediate family ended in (an ugly) divorce, and she was certain that it would happen to her too. The dental associate who was working on my teeth at the time said she hoped one day love would find her. “Are you dating,” I asked? “No,” she replied, “I just don’t go out enough. But it’ll happen for me one day–maybe.”
The beliefs these two women had about themselves and about marriage shaped the actions they did–or didn’t–take. One was sabotaging her chances for marriage, the other was passively waiting for it to happen.
The beliefs a woman has about herself, love, marriage, relationships, and the opposite sex is often the greatest hindrance to her meeting and marrying the man of their dreams, more than any other factor I’ve observed so far–age, race, weight, economic status.
Our beliefs are powerful because they shape our actions. Some of the ways beliefs are formed are through the ways we’re groomed by our parents (whether they were married or divorced or single), our friends, our communities, the media, and our culture. We have the power to say “yes, I believe that” or “no, I don’t believe that” to these influences, but if we’ve experienced something that confirms what any of these sources say, it is often a challenge to believe anything else.
For example, many people believe that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. We’ve heard “experts” quote it as an undisputed fact and we may have even seen divorce happen again and again with our families and friends.
However, a 2005 article in the New York Times by Dan Hurley revealed that this supposedly fact-based belief is not accurate. In reality, 3 out of 5 marriages last until “death do us part!”
Question: What would happen if we collectively started believing that most marriages thrive instead of die?
Another commonly held belief I’ve heard over and over from single women, is that men should always make the first move when it comes to dating. These women are waiting for their Knight in Shining Armor to appear, sweep them off their feet, and ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after.
However, when I asked my Facebook followers what they thought about the belief that men should always make the first move, surprisingly, all of the women said “Yes, they should!” Their rationale was that a man isn’t a “real man” if he doesn’t approach them, that he doesn’t have backbone, and that if he doesn’t pursue a woman, he doesn’t recognize her value and will eventually want the woman to take the lead on everything.
However, most of the men said, “No!” One man in particular said, “As the saying goes, “a closed mouth doesn’t get fed.” Also, I see a woman that makes the first move as confident. Confidence is attractive. (Very)”
Another man’s comment revealed the pressures most men feel when it comes to approaching a woman:
“Let’s see…men run the risk of getting flat out rejected, denied, charged with assault or harassment, called perverted names if signs were misread, slapped, or beat up when making the first move. Ladies at worst, may only face a polite decline. Who should make the first move? The one with the least to lose.”
The men’s comments flew in the face of traditional beliefs about men’s and women’s roles in dating. But more surprising to me was how the women felt the need to defend their positions on why men should always approach a woman. Instead of taking note that attractive, single men were telling them on Facebook (for all the world to see) that they don’t mind if a woman takes initiative and shows she is interested in man, my single sisters held on tight to their beliefs that a man should always take the first move.
So, what’s a sister to do?
If you want to know if your beliefs may be keeping you from the marriage of your dreams, I suggest you spend some time journaling and reflecting. Actually write down the beliefs you have about yourself, about what it means to be in love, about what men should and shouldn’t do, and ask yourself: where did these beliefs come from? Did they come from your family? your religious beliefs? Your culture? Ask yourself: Do I really believe this? Why?
Remember, you have the power to choose your beliefs. Choose wisely because they may be the only thing between you and the man of your dreams!
Aesha Adams-Roberts, PhD is an author, speaker, and dating and relationship expert. After years of making painful dating mistakes, Aesha finally learned what it takes to find the man of one’s dreams. She married hers after just 11 months. Using the time‐tested principles she discovered, she founded AeshaOnline.com, a site designed to help women not just meet, date and marry the man of their dreams, but figure out why they have been unsuccessful in the past. AeshaOnline.com is today’s go‐to site for people who want to know the secrets to happy relationships from dating into marriage, parenting and beyond.
Disclaimer: This information is not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. It’s strictly for informational, educational, or entertainment purposes ONLY. The products I talk about are not meant to diagnose, prescribe, treat or cure any illness or disease. Any information I give you about them is for informational or entertainment purposes only. They have not been evaluated or approved by the FDA. Please seek the qualified health professional of your choice when making health decisions for yourself, your family and your pets.